Yay Weddings! (aka Weddings Are Friend Torture)
This weekend my best friend got married. Since you don’t really know her and this will likely be boring to people who aren’t me, I’ll give you the Cliffnotes version of their romance and such:
• Amy and Brad meet.
• Amy and Brad fall in love.
• Amy and Brad move in together.
• Amy proposes to Brad on Kevin Smith’s podcast.
• Brad obviously accepts.
• Amy and Brad begin long, tedious wedding preparation.
SIDEBAR: Weddings are friend torture. Smee, if you’re reading this, I love you but I never ever want to get married. Not unless it involves eloping. And cake (more on the cake bit later for those who are still reading).
• Amy asks me to be a bridesmaid and asks her friend Liz to be the Maid of Honour.
• I panic because I haven’t met Liz and the film Bridesmaids has just come out.
• Liz is scared that I am the Helen to her Annie (a Bridesmaids reference FYI).
• I am NOT like Helen.
• I, however, have these exact same thoughts about Liz (thoughts that we will both later profusely apologize for).
SIDEBAR: I am momentarily sad that I’m not the Maid of Honour until I realize that Liz is far more qualified for the job. NOTE TO OTHER FRIENDS: Do NOT ask me to be your Maid of Honour. That shit be stressful. And EXPENSIVE. I repeat: Getting married is FRIEND TORTURE.
• I proceed to friend fall in love with Liz. She is the greatest. For those of you who have me on Facebook and Twitter, she’s the gorgeous blonde in like a zillion of my photos.
So anyways, after months and months and months, the wedding is FINALLY here. It doesn’t seem real that the day has finally come. I feel like Amy will forever need something to plan for. I guess that’s why people have babies. Ok… so that’s some backstory. Not a lot, but you know, it’s getting late and stuff. The wedding day finally came (October 19) and we all got up early to get our hair diiiiiid and such. The poor girl doing my hair definitely didn’t realize how thick it was and wound up curling my hair for like 1 ½ hours. That was just curling it. The actual style had to be all finished up after that. Long story short… I gots my hair done all nice and stuff. There was so much damn hairspray in there though. SO MUCH.
^ That’s what I like to call a Hair Montage. I went from Little Bo Peep to make-upless hair being done to being all dolled up with somewhere to go.
SIDEBAR: It’s getting late and I’m trying to tell this story as interestingly as possible, but I am oh so sleepy. Forgive me if stuff doesn’t make sense. Also: I’m watching Jonah Hex in the background for some reason or another. It may or may not be killing off my brain cells.
After hair, we got our makeup done, but not before spotting THIS:
Why YES, that is a lady on a wheelchair waiting for the light to turn green while carrying around a male passenger who MAY be dead on the floor of said wheelchair. Awesome? That’s debatable but it was most definitely hilarious.
Ok. I’m rambling. Blah blah stress. Blah blah put on clothing. Blah blah yay makeup and everyone looks so nice! Blah blah drove to venue. Blah blah one of the groomsmen didn’t show up (because he’s a turd). Blah blah we froze because no one gave us jackets or anything and it’s effing October in Canada. Blah blah drank a lot. Blah blah listened to speeches. Blah blah ate food. Blah blah Amy’s cake was a lie (Liz and I had a conniption about this when we found out… she had a giant tiered cake and at the last minute we found out the whole thing was fake except for a tiny portion of the cake. Liz and I LOVE cake and we lost our minds… Seriously. We ranted for like half an hour until we found out that they would be serving cheesecake instead. There’s a photo of Liz looking sad with the Cake of Lies as it’s not so fondly remembered (SEE BELOW)). Blah blah dancing. Blah blah GANGNAM STYLE. Blah blah… 2am. Blah blah finally going back to the hotel and changing into PJs.
IN CONCLUSION: I am so super happy for Amy and Brad. For all the sarcasm and non-blogging in this blog post, I just want to make it clear that I love these two so much and Brad has become a good friend to me and I want them to be so, so happy together. Brad wasn’t the only friend I made from this union though. From their marriage, I gained friends like Tim and Megan, Brad’s amazing sister Jen and her boyfriend Sam, Eric, Justin and probably the greatest party favour I could’ve gotten out of this wedding was becoming friends with Liz, who is seriously the most delightful person ever. SO THERE.
Oh, and weddings? Yeah. They’re friend torture.
I was happy to help my friends out though because I love them. I’m just stating this all for the record now that it’s over and done with.
LOOK HOW ADORABLE THEY ARE!
SERIOUSLY.
ADORABLE.
